2011...kinda sucks

yep, it's true...2011 kinda sucks.  i would like to consider myself a "flies by the seat of her pants" kinda gal...but that was honestly so five years ago...i like things to remain the way they are...for the most part...i want my house to change (dear hubby...crown molding...some paint...finally finish the floors...you get the idea)...but the rest of my life...not so hot on the change thing...unfortunately i need it to change...or the rest of 2011 will pretty much suck.

i was blog-hopping this evening...and looked at my own blog and said hmmm...i should update this...but with what?  i haven't crafted...scrapped...stamped...painted a dang thing in weeks...i haven't sewn anything..so can't even do a post directing you to my other blog to show you that i have been actively engaged...then what?

so i figured i'd go with honesty...and honestly...2011 sucks...so far...

there are long long stories about different things that have been just terrible...so i'll stick to the short version...

my once upon a time best friend...so close it was like she was my sister...decided i was mean to her and wasn't her friend and now...we aren't.  this sucks on so many levels...this was the person i would call just because...but there is no point mucking about with the details...my hubby said something very intelligent (don't tell him i said that) when his response to the situation was...oh well, if they can't take a joke, can't trust 12 years of friendship...then f*ck it...unfortunately...it's harder to let go then that...but there are truth in his words

i will say that i still have some pretty amazing friends...who mean the world to me...and i wish i had more time these days to talk to them...it might make it all a little easier

work has pretty much sucked...i'm doing well...actually i think i'm doing great...but i focus on my own mistakes way too much...and they are really not that big a deal half the time...but i want to be the best i can at what i do...so the mistakes hold me back a bit (truthfully...they have me doubting myself A LOT)

silly season (see previous posts if that term throws you off) has REALLY sucked...it has reached suckage of unparalleled levels...(still talking work here)...to the point that i almost felt the need to check myself in to the local nut house...seriously...i was smacked with a deep depression and major stress and panic attacks that brought me to my knees....i cry if someone says the dreaded words "change" or "cancel" (this happened yesterday) and today...well...it deserves it's own new iteration of "suck"....but i'm not that talented these days to come up with one...

and then there is the home...

this part hasn't really sucked...i have the best hubby in the world...he's tried his darndest to make it all good for me...

but...

i will honestly admit...i will so not win a parent of the year award here...but the kid is still breathing...healthy (pizza covers all the food groups)...all limbs intact...and still speaking to me despite everything...so i'll call it a win...because i really need one

so...tonight i pray for a few things...selfish things...

to not have crazy dreams of people yelling at me (too many times to count)...or randomly calling other people in front of me to tell them i have a really fat ass (had this one last night...and it was former bff...so it was REALLY messing with my head this morning) and yes i know my rear end is big...but it's MINE...so bugger off

for friends of mine that are struggling way more than me tonight...who need strength, compassion and love...and a shoulder to cry on (which will always be there...i'm not that mean after all)

for peace of mind...so that i can face tomorrow and whatever challenges it offers with renewed energy

for my family...for having to deal with me so far this year

and for friends lost...who need a little love just because they are human...and still a friend deep down

for the end of silly season...because i need my sanity back...or they might fire me for when i got completely apepoop

and for anyone else out there who feel their 2011 has pretty much sucked

maybe it will all work out (i did laugh today...that's always a good thing)

hugs!